Four Worlds

Outside world. One’s inner sensations. Thought. Vision/ intention/ attention. Four entirely different realms, sometimes with drastically different realities.

We often are not conscious of each of these four realms at once even though they occur simultaneously. Yet, life has become increasingly complex. And the more adept we are at accessing these various ways of seeing, the better we’ll be able to respond to the current situation as it arises and meet the emerging future.

These four territories were one of the several topics of learning that Bill Torbert dropped on a group of us gathered together by the Prometheus Project for a We Q session. And, as Bill illuminated these and our typically independent views of their interdependent realities, I came to have a heightened appreciation and respect for coaching.

My experience and that of my clients is an increased awareness of these four realms. At first, we might experience them separately, sequentially. One helpful intent may be to harmonize them. Here’s an example from my own experience.

Through the Intercultural Diversity Index and a Growth Edge Interview, I came to know that I seem more accepting of cultural difference than I am accepting of other people who are not accepting of it. Let’s break an example of this down according to Torbert’s four realms and then put them back together in a coaching context.

Outside world: We sat with a married white couple, in the living room of their retirement facility. Earlier, at dinner in the facility’s dining room, the only BIPOC people were employees. I saw no BIPOC residents. The husband of the chair of the personnel committee of the board said, “Frances Lee Ansley’s definition of white supremacy, as a mindset I have, is not acceptable to me. White supremacy is represented by the KKK.”

My inner sensations (my senses, feelings, and behaviors): My breathing tightened. While I knew these people for years, sometimes in a daily way, my body sensed that we were about to wrestle and it could be rough for all involved: the couple, me, and, not the least, the Black woman with whom I was making this visit. Further into the conversation, when it felt that no change was likely, as I did all I could to keep from “losing my shit,” as some say, I wanted to walk out in the worst way. I forced myself to keep my seat, listen to, and remain engaged with two white people in authority unwilling to hear a perspective different from their own.

Thought: I was advocating for a dearly beloved Black woman friend who had been unjustly treated in her employment. Two years earlier, the employing organization had made the macro-affirmation that they intended to be anti-racist. But, when faced with having instances of racism identified, senior staff and volunteers, including the chair of the personnel committee with whom we were meeting there, denied, deflected, and defended. Ultimately, micro-aggressions were followed by the macro-aggression of engineering a means to eliminate the “unapologetically Black woman” employee (and several white allies). I followed the lead of my Black woman friend who traveled with me to have this conversation with this retired, white, married couple.

Vision/ intention/ attention (post-cognitive consciousness): We had hoped to invite the chair of the personnel committee into a fuller story – one which helped her to be conscious of her own worldview, including its filter of white supremacy, to allow greater equity for the Black woman employee. Controlling my outrage, using Non-violent Communications techniques, active listening, and every other skill I know to sustain rapport, I sought to understand the retired couple’s truth and to represent the truth as we knew it.

In the end, my Black woman friend said, “Well, I don’t think we’re getting anywhere.” I agreed. At the invitation of the personnel committee chair, we continued dialogue, which seemed to accomplish nothing further. Then, we took our leave.

What is really real in this scenario? So much of these four worlds are at odds with one another, including within my perspectives of each of these and between the people present. This was just one in a long series of exchanges with white people about race that demonstrated to me my need to increase my patience and to find the company of more people similar to me, in which to rest.

With my results from an Intercultural Diversity Index and learning how limited some white people’s experience is with racial matters, I set to work. Coaching myself, I devised a few focus practices that would help me to increase my inner peace and extend my patience.

• In one, I began to record daily experiences on a scale of energizing, neutral, and draining and began eliminating or limiting those which drain me, carving out a higher quality of life.
• In another, I began to experiment with instances where I am typically triggered: I anticipated some situations and prepared in advance; I inserted breathing practices to relax my nervous system; I intentionally softened my vision, muscles, and thoughts to be flexible; and I solicited input from others about what I could do to be more how I want to be.
• I clarified my highest, identifiable intention (what I hoped to happen and how); I continually focused on both of those intentions; and I reflected, in the moment and afterwards, on how it went and what might I do differently.
• I and three peers formed a mutual accountability group where we can speak deeply about our growing edge experiences, benefit from one another’s inquiry, and seek input from each other.

Do you see how these various practices explore these four realms and their interdependencies? And can you imagine how repeatedly doing practices, such as those described above, increases one’s ability to do so, both in the moment and more adeptly? While I won’t say that I will not be triggered, these focus practices, like others in a LifeCalls coaching program, increase my interpersonal effectiveness, self-efficacy, resilience, feelings of companionship, and quality of life. They help me become more who I wish to be.

For me, the greatest spiritual challenge is investing our life energy and any returns from that investment as vitally as presently possible in each and every moment. The integral coaching approach fosters this way of living while it attends to the four realms smoothly and painlessly, in both the present and the emerging future. For this reason, I and many others find that integral coaching, practiced by LifeCalls, wonderfully increases one’s quality of life. Life is short and precious. I invite you to live it incredibly well in all four worlds and in that one realm that holds us all.